I know a man in his fifties who can run a company, fix an engine, and lead a room full of people without breaking a sweat. But put him in a hard conversation with his wife and he shuts down like a boy sent to his room. He’ll tell you himself: in some corner of his heart, he never grew up. The years came. The maturity didn’t.
I’ve come to believe most of us have a version of that gap. We age on the outside while some wounded, younger part of us stays frozen where the hurt happened. We can be capable and successful and still be running from the same fears we had at ten years old. That gap — between the age we are and the person we’ve actually become — is what I ended up writing a whole book about.
Scripture
“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” — 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV)
How I Understand This Scripture
Paul isn’t shaming childhood here. A child is supposed to talk and think like a child. The problem he’s naming is when we carry childish ways into places they were never meant to go — into our marriages, our friendships, our walk with God.
The way I understand it, Paul is describing a natural putting-away, not a violent striving. Growth isn’t something we force by gritting our teeth. It’s something that happens as we come into who we’re meant to be. Maturity, to me, isn’t becoming someone new. It’s more like clearing away the damage until the person God actually made can finally show up.
My Reflection
For a long time I thought maturity meant adding things — more discipline, more knowledge, more willpower. But the older I get, the more I think it’s about subtraction. It’s letting God peel back the layers of fear, pride, and old wounds that were never part of His design for me.
That’s the heart of what I wrote about in The Maturity Gap. The book’s core idea is that maturity isn’t a self-improvement project — it’s a return. A return to the undamaged, unaltered self God intended before life did its damage. And here’s the good news I keep coming back to: the healing that closes that gap was already released at the cross. We’re not clawing our way toward it. We’re receiving what’s already been given.
If any of this puts words to something you’ve felt but couldn’t name, I wrote the whole book for you. You can find The Maturity Gap on Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H8KL8THF.
Prayer
Father, thank You that You’re not asking me to become someone I’m not. You’re inviting me to come home to who You already made me to be. Show me the places where I’ve stayed stuck — the old fears and wounds I’ve carried too long — and heal what only You can heal. Thank You that the work was finished at the cross, and that I get to walk it out in Your grace, not my willpower. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
If this encouraged you, I’d love for you to join me. Come read along and be part of the journey at www.christaff.net.
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